Pastor Al B. Damned’s Soul-Stirring Sermons!

Preaching from the First Baptist Church of No Exception, Pastor Al B. Damned’s sermons are guaranteed to make the most hardened sinner wet his or her pants!

Breastfeeding is a Gateway Sin

The Devil will play Ping-Pong with your Testicles

Injuns: The 1st Terrorists to hit the USA

I Believe in Unicorns

The War in Iraq … “It says in the Koran that if a Muslim sees anything made out of a pig, he will go straight to hell. We should bomb Baghdad with hamhocks, pork rinds and bacon!”

Gay Marriage … “Fellas, if your wife makes you wash the dishes, clean the house and tells you to go out and buy girlie lookin’ wallpaper, then you have become a ‘gal’ and are in a gay marriage!”

Terrorism … “The first terrorists to strike our nation were not Al Qeada, but the godless Indians, who terrorized our peace-loving ancestors and turned them on to smoking!”

Prostate Exams… ”Men, this is how the gays turn us into homosexuals! Don’t let your doctor violate you! Tell him you’d rather have cancer than go to hell!”

Evolution … “Don’t pin all your hopes on science, folks! Am I gonna call an ape “grand-pappy” because of some godless scientist? Of course not! Believing in evolution will make a monkey out of you!”

Breastfeeding … “Breastfeeding is a gateway sin! Studies show that children who are breastfed turn into sex maniacs; we are creating a generation of Larry Flynts!

Tampons … “These so-called feminine sanitary products are sexual devices. When a woman uses a tampon she is committing adultery.”

Yoga … “Some folks may think this is harmless exercise, but it is an ancient Japansy sex cult Yoga teaches folks how to contort their bodies to perform oral sex upon themselves!”

Global Warming … “Global warming ain’t caused by “the ozone layer.” Global warming is caused by liberals burning in hell! The more of them that burn, the hotter is gets!

Sponge Bob Square Pants …“This is a sick cartoon about a talking contraceptive sponge! Eight-year-olds have gotten pregnant just from watching this TV show!”

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