They say you can’t teach an old dog new tricks, but don’t tell local Buttfucker Joe Six Pack. He recently was hired at Walmart, at age 65, as a door greeter. “I feel like I’ve had a lot of experience at home, I’m always greeting my relatives and my wife’s freeloader friends at the door, heh heh., just kidding honey.”

Pastor Al B Damned of The First Baptist Church of No Exception has written a children’s book, “Why Did Grandma Go To Hell?” Pastor Damned says the book is a way for parents to lovingly explain eternal damnation. “This book will help Mom and dad tell Little Jimmy and Sister Susie why someone that they loved was sent to hell to burn eternally in the Lake of Fire.”

Buttfuck, Kentucky has lost more young people in the Iraq War than other town or city, but that didn’t stop 18-year-old Buttfucker Billy Ray Sixpack from joining the U.S. Army. “College just takes too dang long and then you get out, there might not be no job waitin’ fer ya,” Billy Ray said. “With the Army, you got a job the day you sign up. And my job is gonna be killin’ them (expletive) terrorists that done did 9/11.”

Pastor Al B. Damned’s soul stirring sermons will make the most hardened sinner wet his or her pants! Enjoy burning in hell where the devil plays ping pong with your testicles!